My First Bad Review

When I saw that there was a new review on Amazon for my story, I leapt at the chance to read it. Now I can't tell if I wished I hadn't or if I'm thankful for the opportunity to have someone review me so honestly.

I'm going to post it here, and I would like to thank the person who reviewed me. I wish I could tell you that I will take your (brutally) honest advice to heart and change a few things about my writing before I publish anything else.

"Could I rate this no stars please? So maybe I shouldn't be reviewing this since I couldn't even bring myself to finish it. I deleted it about half way, unread. I got it for free and was glad I didn't pay out any money for this.

Now I see the author is really a kid who just graduated from high school and it makes more sense to me.

It's pretty brutal, or at least the parts I read were. If that's your thing, you'll probably love it. For me, I tend to like stories with a bit more depth to them. I don't like brutality and violence just for the sake of a story being brutal and violent. That doesn't seem like horror to me, but just something that is horrible. There's a fundamental difference there that I think a lot of new writers seem to have forgotten.

If you're looking for a good scare give someone like Brandon Hale, Bentley Little and Jack Drew a try. I'd skip this one, even for free. My time is more valuable than to spend wasted on this kind of silly tripe."

I liked her use of the word "tripe".
I guess it just makes me happy that there are still people out there who can think for themselves and make up their minds on what is good writing and what is bad writing.

At the same time, it really hurts. Like....really hurts. Someone probably won't read any more of my work because this one piece was too gory (and boy..it is gory). But -shrugs- life goes on.

End Transmission

Mason Jar Wine Glasses (...anger infused post)

Only in Montana would you find such campy favorites as the faux-buffalo hide Koozie, bottle openers cast to look like a bear will bite open your beer for you, and shirts bearing the black silhouette of a moose-head cleverly disguised as the Batman logo. My favorite, however, which I discovered today at work, are the wine glasses that look like mason jars-- complete with metal screw on lids.

I could go on about how you could just drink out of a mason jar and not spend the extra money to have one with a stem, but I won't. Nor will I mention how buying one of these relics is a helluva lot trashier than actually re-using a mason jar (not knocking the habit, a lot of the glasses in my home are either old mason jars or washed out glass jelly jars. ......and I mean a lot). I will, however, note that I find it moronic that this is what appeals to tourists. This is what appeals to people who come to Montana to ride horses for a couple of days and look at cows as they drive along the (le gasp) paved streets that connect the farm land to the "city".

It makes me sad that I've grown up in a town where you're more likely to get kicked in the face by a cow than see a person of color. (Once you're past a certain level of "watered down" in terms of your heritage, you have regained "white person" status). It makes me sad that in order to appeal to tourists, we have hotels with decorum such as someone would expect in a log cabin-- logs, and mounted animal heads. It makes me sad that Canadians think that Montanans ride horses to school (true story).

I guess that we must maintain this "hick", "rides horses to school" image in order to stand out amongst the states. How can we do this? By taking the beautiful land around us and the hunter/farmer way of life that breeds in "the last best place" and exploiting it. Because hell, who wants dignity when you can make a fortune selling wine glasses that look like mason jars.

Star Date: October 23

My Adventure in Writer's Block made me wonder how many people who read my blog (if any) are writers themselves...writers who also struggle with writer's block and worry about whether or not they'll ever have more than one publication and patiently wait for their sales to go up from 8 sold copies to 9 or (GASP) even 10.

I'd like to hear from my readers. I want to know if I should start posting writing help. If the answer is yes, I'll start posting tips that have gotten me through some rough times and even hand out first sentences to go off of. (If it comes to this, I'd really love seeing what people come up with.)

Anyways....

End Transmission.

What If? An Adventure in Writer's Block

What If? Writing Exercises for Fiction Writers by Anne Bernays and Pamela Painter was first introduced to me first semester of my senior year of highschool in creative writing class. I fell so in love with it that I begged my parents to buy me a copy for Christmas.

So now here I am, trapped by the shackles of writer's block once again. Yet, having this resource around lessens the pain of not knowing how to write. This being said, I have decided that whilst I have no clue what "writing" is nor how to do it, I am going to go through this book page by page, exercise by exercise and do the best I can to defeat the many headed hydra that is writer's block. (There are a few exercises that involve elaborating on pre-existing novels that I'm going to omit.)

Exercise One is about beginning in the middle, (now...since I don't have permission to blah blah blah about what goes on in this book, I can't give too much away. I'm just going to briefly state what it's about and then delve into how my brain responded. I highly reccomend that all authors have a copy of this book. They give you an exercise, state the objective, and most of the exercises are accompanied by student examples.) I've had to omit and change some of my examples because I curse....a lot.

Writhing in pain, I knew that I was going to die.

Stabbing at the mashed potatoes, I wondered why I had to eat; the food tasted like dirt anyways, and I had better things to do than pretend to stuff my face to appease my mother.

Hitting the wall, and falling to the cold cement floor I could smell the blood before it ever began to drip from my nose, that was when I knew that the b****** had to die.

Staring at my toes and the cool, green grass, I began to wonder when I'd learn what love is.

Exercise Two is one of the ones that I'm omitting. Exercise Three is about pairing beginning sentences...birth and death, falling in love and filling for a divorce, and a pairing about seasons that I didn't do because I was stuck on it.

Birth and Death

Pain blossomed through my body and I knew it was time, I wasn't ready for the new arrival, but it was time.

I imagined that there had been a lightness, that after going through so much pain in life, death brought relief like asprin to a long lasting migraine.

Love and Divorce

My head was swimming, and I couldn't concentrate on a damn thing; when I realized that his smile was the cause of these dangerous symptoms I realized that this must be love.

The clicking of my heels on the courthouse tile was as cold as my heavy heart, I wasn't sure what had happened, just that I needed to sever the ties after ten long years.

Exercise Four gives you a first line to use and expects you to keep going with it. I'm torn on whether or not I should share this one because I think it is going to turn into something great.
...here, I'll share a preview of what is to come.

"Where were you last night?"
I choked on a response. I had figured that my return home the night previous had been a stealthy one and wasn't prepared for a confrontation. I stared into my Cheerios, trying to think of a response that didn't begin with, "but mom."

That's all for today, but stay tuned for our next Adventure in Writer's Block.

Scraping the Bone Review (part 7 of 10)

Red Pickup

Here's another perfect example of Malmborg weaving a story that leaves you understanding and nearly accepting of the things people do in desperate times. The title "Red Pickup" doesn't really give anything away, which I approve of because there are a lot of titles out there that don't leave much to the imagination. I will admit that "Red Pickup" felt a little rushed in places, but it was worth it to get to the ending, which is another one of "those" endings that kind of sneak up behind you and punch you in the face when you're not looking...(in a good way. If that is even possible)

I give "Red Pickup" 4 out of 5 stars.

Seriously, download and read Scraping the Bone so that you know what I'm babbling about.

Scraping the Bone Review (part 6 of 10)

Sunburn

Here is another Malmborg work that leaves me at a loss of what to say. Should I mention how the story toyed with my emotions and made me try to empathize with a desperate man? Or should I note that the graphic descriptions made me want to turn away, and even pause from reading? No matter what I say, or how I say it, one thing is for sure: "Sunburn" is not like the previously reviewed stories. This one is incredibly graphic and I do not reccomend reading it if you have a weak stomach.

Yet despite it's vivid descriptions, "Sunburn" also makes you feel for the characters....makes you almost understand the desperation and the thought processes.

It definitely deserves a 5 out of 5.

With "Sunburn" I was able to find a small line to share with you, it's a tad graphic, but I love the picture it leaves in the mind. This quote makes it all too apparent how word choice is everything, "her head screaming in agony and throat raw from the eruptions of vomit, [...]"

In order to read "Sunburn" as well as all the other amazing tales crafted by Malmborg, you're going to have to download Scraping the Bone. (Do it! You know you want to!)

Malmborg, William (2011-12-20). Scraping the Bone: Ten Dark Tales (Kindle Location 677).  . Kindle Edition.  

Coming Soon

Pretty soon here (hopefully by the end of November/ beginning of December) I am going to release my first collection of short stories entitled Down the Rabbit Hole. The collection is going only contain short stories of mine that have been darkly inspired by Lewis Carol's Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. These novels have always been favorites of mine and, as a horror writer, it is very easy for me to take certain themes in Carol's art and turn them into dark and terrifying ones.